Having It All

Have you ever wondered to yourself (or even spoken out loud), if I ONLY had this or that, I could be happy (content, satisfied, whatever)? To obtain the nicest, biggest, fanciest, tastiest, shiniest "thing" would just make it all worthwhile.

I once heard about a woman who had EVERYTHING she needed...literally. She had an incredible husband (very attentive, handsome and strong), she had all the food and possessions in the world she could want, and she didn't worry for a moment about having something appropriate to wear to the next special event. Why, she even thought she had a good relationship with God...one that would sustain her through the tough times (even though she really had not yet experienced "tough times").

But then one day someone pointed out something to her that she didn't have, and it planted the suggestion in her mind that her life was lacking because she didn't have this one thing. And it drove her nuts. She lost focus on all that was hers around her - the abundance of all that was hers. She lost focus on her relationship with God. Her only focus became this one thing she couldn't have. And she did what she needed to do to have this one thing. She obtained it, and it destroyed EVERYTHING! She lost all that she had that gave her security, peace and comfort.

Do you recognize who this woman was? You can read about her in the first few chapters of Genesis.

During my quiet time this morning, I read in Genesis 3 how the serpent came and tempted Eve and she ate of the fruit that God had forbidden her to eat. I began thinking about all that this woman had prior to eating the fruit. She had everything she needed - and wanted - in abundance. (Can you just imagine tasting the produce grown in that garden? How sweet and flavorful it must have been!) She was content until the serpent pointed out this one lone tree in the middle of the garden - the only tree in the entire garden that God had put a restriction on.

I wonder why it was so easy for Eve to have been distracted from all that she had to focus on the one thing she didn't have. Are we really all that different? How easily do we lose focus of what we have (what God has given us) and desire the things that we don't.

Adam and Eve had a unique relationship with God prior to the whole "fruit incident." God "walked" with them, they fellowshiped together in sweet communion. And all of that was lost (not only for them, but for the rest of humanity) because they lusted after something that was not for them to begin with.

I wonder where I am in my own walk with God. While I know that I am saved by God's grace and will one day live with him in heaven, I still struggle with overcoming my sin nature, and I will still do things that get in the way of obtaining that same sweet fellowship that Adam and Eve had with God. I know that it is so easy to be distracted by what the world says is necessary for happiness and contentment in life. So often my focus is lured away from God.

But my heart still hungers after him, and I find the more that I seek after him, the more he satisfies.

David and I are downsizing...we are getting rid of a lot of "stuff" - things that can tie us down, get in our way or distract us from our purpose. I used to desire "things" for my home - to decorate it accordng to the current trend, to have family heirlooms and trinkets sitting all around. While those things are nice, I don't desire them any longer.

My heart's desire is to be free to serve God with all that I am and all that he has given me. I feel God leading us to become more "mobile" - to be in a position of being able to quickly go where he wants us to go. I've had people ask if that means we are going to move into an RV and travel the country! LOL!! Actually, that sounds like fun - and, who knows, that might be exactly what God is leading us to.

So, as I process through letting go the things of this world - things that won't matter in eternity to come - I find my heart less distracted and becoming more focused on God's direction and desire for us. I know there will be times when I will get distracted again...it will happen far too often, I'm afraid. But because I can see the work God is already doing in my life now, I have confidence that he will continue that work until he calls me home!

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I started going through some of my older journals the other day, and I decided I'd start copying them into my blog here. So here is the first one...

This was written on May 5, 2004, during my "date with God" where I spent some time alone with him at Saylorville Lake:

Father, here I sit by Saylorville Lake wanting to meet iwth you and connect with you. I pray right now, dear God, that you would create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. I want my heart - the deepest recesses - to be opened before you so that I can come before you completely honest, completely humbled, completely vulnerable.

Father, I have sinned against you and I continue to be weak. I know what I am doing is sin. I know that it grieves your Spirit so when I blatantly ignore his promptings. My greatrest sin is seeking my own will over yours, placing my own selfish desires over your selfless ones for me.

How can I expect to be used of you for your perfect purpose when I am so far from where you would want me to be? Father God, I still believe it is my heart's desire to serve you with my entire being - with my body, mind and soul. God, you have given me so much, so much I have taken for granted. I am blessed, so blessed by you - you have given me everything I need. Forgive me, Lord, when I am ungrateful. Forgive me when I seek my own way. Fill me, Lord, with your Spirit so deeply that all I connect with is you.

Help me to identify and clear out all those things that would quench the Spirit from total effectiveness in my life. Help me to seek you first in all things - emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

Psalm 92:4 says, "You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me. I sing for joy because of what you have done."

How great are you, Lord, that even in the midst of my sorrow over my sin, you reach down and touch me. You reach down and speak to my heart. You don't turn your back on me. You don't cast me away from you. Even when I stand before you with the shame of my guilt, you remind me of your love for me. You restore my soul to wholeness.

God, I am so unworthy of this precious gift, and yet I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. How I praise you, God, for loving me, for forgiving me and for restoring me to yourself. I am the softened clay in the Potter's hand to be remade again and again, lovingly gently, carefully. You are perfect, Lord, in your creation. The flaws that appear in me are of my own making, but you are gracious in restoring those flaws back to perfection through Jesus Christ. Thank you, Father.