Maintaining Focus

I woke up early this morning (approximately 4 am) and my mind was racing, as is often the cause when I wake up early or often during the night. I don't normally classify myself as a "worrier," but I'll admit that I was worrying. About several different things. And it seemed like anytime I tried to pray about it, my mind just started spinning off in another direction, and I felt very disconnected from God.

We went ahead and "borrowed" the money from our India fund in order to purchase a new vehicle yesterday. We went back to the used car dealership where we had purchased our van not long ago. Because we felt we had been treated well and forthrightly when we purchased our van from them, we figured they might be able to do right by us again. Blair, the GM, we knew was a Christian from our previous conversations with him. Mike, the salesman, was trying to be "Christian" but from the things he was saying to us, I don't think the heart change that comes from a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ was there. I was able to encourage Mike to seek to grow his personal relationship with God and to spend time in his Bible getting to know God better.

We found a used 1999 Ford Explorer that looked as though it might work for us, but the price was higher than what we had to spend. We told Mike that we would like to buy it, but it would have to be for X amount of money (cash we had in hand) - including tax, licensing, everthing... He went to talk with Blair, and Blair agreed to sell us the Explorer for the amount of money we had. Not only that, as we were leaving the showroom to head home, Blair followed us out and asked if he could pray with us before we left, which he did. It was such an encouragement for him to do that. We left feeling that God had again provided for us a vehicle that would work well for our ministry.

We have seen God provide time and time again for us and the ministry...so why does my heart tend to return to worrying about the future and finances so readily? I was awake throughout the night worrying about being able to pay back the money we borrowed from our India fund. I was worrying about having enough money to cover our moving expenses and start up expenses down in Kansas City. I was worrying about David and his state of mind. I was worrying about the future of the ministry and were we still where God wanted us to be. And everytime I would try to focus my mind to pray, another worry would creep in and distract me.

I finally got up out of bed around 4:30 and went downstairs to have my quiet time. As I read my Bible passage, God gave me what I needed in order to refocus my priorities. It was Psalm 19.

Psalm 19 - For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.

3 There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

4 Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

8 The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

11 By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Old King David certainly had a lot more to worry about than I do, and if he was able to regain his focus -- to look and find God - in nature, and in His Word -- then I can regain my focus. I have not been as attentive to my quiet time and Bible study as I should have. Details of moving, ministry and finances have certainly been a distraction, but that cannot be an excuse.

God must be my focus, because it IS all about HIM. He is my purpose for being. He is my purpose for doing. Of course, I'll get discouraged and anxious if I focus on myself, but if my focus is on God, then there is no place for discouragement or anxiousness. Because He is all. And that is the greatest source of comfort.