Remembrance...

What follows are journal entries written approximately three years ago. These entries have helped me go through the grieving process and recall precious memories.

January 10, 2007

My dad will die some time this week. He has come to the decision to discontinue his dialysis. He has accepted that he is dying and is ready to go Home. The family spent several hours with him the night before last after Mom called us over. (Aside: It was late at night, and Mom had called my brothers Chuck and Bob and their wives and David and me to come over to their apartment. We spent time talking, in prayer and singing together.) It was very difficult but very special. God was truly present, offering His peace and comfort.

The unsurity of the next few days is unsettling. Hospice is on call and readily available to assist Mom and Dad in any way they can.

God's words of comfort - songs and scripture - swirl around in my mind. I know that God is here and in this situation. I know He will comfort and meet our needs. I know that in the midst of God's comfort and peace there will be sadness and grief. I just pray that in it all and through it all God's will and purpose are being worked out and that He receives the honor and glory.

January 11, 2007

Life is becoming surreal right now. We visit Dad and he is coherent, able to carry on a conversation, eat meals - and yet we know within a matter of days he'll be gone. We talk to Dad about funeral plans and he tells us what he would like. But God's peace and grace continue to surround and overwhelm us.

I think I am going to go ahead and call my brothers (Bill and Jim) and tell them to just come. The weather this weekend is supposted to get bad, and they just need to be here with the rest of the family.

January 18, 2007

Dad passed away Saturday morning, January 13, 2007, at approximately 6 AM. Bill and Jim arrived during the night and were there Friday with Dad all day. I took Friday off and spent it over at Mom and Dad's as well. Willard and Arlene were visiting but headed back home Friday afternoon. Dad went to bed after lunch on Friday and never got back up.

The hospice nurse, Terri, came by and gave Mom some medications for Dad to help keep him comfortable. Bob and Chuck were there as well, so we were all able to hear what she had to say. We all had dinner together that evening in the "mail room" down the hall from the apartment. As Dad would have wanted, we shared stories and laughed and enjoyed being together as a family.

David and I went home somewhat early that evening, but then we did get the phone call the next morning that Dad had gone to be with the Lord. Dad had gone downhill so much on Friday, I think we were all praying that God would be merciful and take him home, so I honestly don't think we were surprised or even regretful when we got the news.

Debbie (Chuck's wife) had spent the night with Mom and Dad, and she was helping to make sure that Dad was getting his medication. Bill was staying in one of the apartments in the Community Center across the parking lot. Mom said that they had checked on Dad several times during the night, and while his breathing was getting labored, he was still alive. They checked on him at 4 AM, and he was breathing, but when Mom checked on him at 6, he was gone.

He did not suffer. He did not struggle. He passed from this life into eternity quietly and peacefully as we all prayed he would.

Mom called hospice and the funeral home right away. Of course, she called all of us as well. Dad was laying on his side, so still and quiet. He looked so tired and weak. His poor body was so spent in trying to keep him alive. Barney (Mom and Dad's dog) was snuggled up tight next to Dad, and he never left his side until the funeral home came and picked up the body.

I remember sobbing over Dad's body for a while and yet in my heart rejoicing knowing that Dad was now with Jesus.

The funeral home in Orange City had an arrangement with a local funeral home here in Des Moines to come and pick up Dad's body. They came approximately 8 AM to get Dad. All of my brothers except Bob had gotten there by the time the funeral home came. Bob arrived shortly after and was able to spend a few minutes with Dad. We all stood together hugging and praying and crying. Then they took Dad's body away.

The next few hours were a blur of phone calls and making plans. Pastor Gary Clark (our pastor from Olivet Baptist Church) came over on his way to conduct another funeral at church and offered us some comfort and prayer.

David decided to stay in Des Moines until after church on Sunday. Mom, Bill and I decided to go ahead and head on up to Orange City, and we left about 11:30. The rest of the boys and grandkids were coming up on Sunday also. There was a forecast of bad weather so we were all a little anxious for those who were going to be traveling on Sunday.

Mom, Bill and I dropped Barney off at Willard and Arlene's (in Sanborn, Iowa) and finally got to the hotel (in Orange City, Iowa) around 5:30 PM. We went and got some dinner and then headed back to the hotel.

Everyone began arriving around noon. We had an appointment to meet with the undertaker at 1 PM that day. We went over details of Dad's life and the funeral service. We picked out a casket and vault.

We then all headed over to Sioux Center where Lena's girls (Lena was our aunt. She went to be with the Lord not long after Dad did.) had prepared a meal for us. Most of the grandkids had arrived. The weather was pretty bad - lots of snow - so it was good to be able to get back to the hotel safely.

Monday morning, Mom met with her financial planner and got a lot of her legal documentation taken care of. My brothers and I went over to the funeral home to rehearse the songs we were going to sing at the funeral. David came along so we could finalize the service plan (Dad had asked David to officiate the funeral).

The immediate family viewing was at 2 and the grandkids then came at 2:30. The visitation then ran from 3 until 6. I felt like once I got through the inital viewing I was going to be able to handle things pretty well. I helped greet people as they approached Dad's casket. Dad looked so good. He didn't look exactly like himself, but he didn't have that gray, gaunt appearance either. He looked almost healthy again. There were many people who didn't know Dad had been so ill. It really was a celebration of Dad's life.

We left to have dinner at Pizza Ranch and then went back for the funeral at 7. The service itself was so good. David officiated and he did a tremendous job. He really caught Dad's spirit. My brothers and I sang two songs: "Living by Faith" and "It is Well." God gave us such strength and composure to be able to get through it all. I know it was totally a "God-thing."

Each of us kids then got up and shared about Dad. It was awesome. Each of us had something different to say, but it all worked together awesomely.

The Gideons then had a prayer circle. (Dad had been an active Gideon for most of his adult life.) They presented Mom with a memorial Bible and sang "Blest Be the Tie that Binds." Then the American Legion came and presented Mom with an American flag in honor of Dad's service in the Korean War. We then finished the funeral with the singing of Dad's favorite hymn "Amazing Grace." I know that this service was exactly as Dad would have wanted it.

January 19, 2007

After Dad's funeral, there was a time of fellowship - coffee and cookies - at the funeral home. It seemed like people stayed for quite a while. I honestly don't remember what time it was when we finally left the funeral home to head back to the hotel. Everyone - especially Mom - was pretty tired and relieved that the day was over.

The next morning Mom decided that we should dress for warmth, not style, for the graveside service. It was so bitter cold out, but the sky was bright at clear.

We all met at the funeral home at approximately 9:15 AM and lined our cars up for the processional. David conducted a portion of the graveside service in the chapel. I wept hard as the grandsons carried Dad's casket to the hearse. My cousins Jodi, Heidi and Hope gathered around me to comfort me - they know how it feels to lose their dad.

We followed the hearse to Doon Cemetary. Mom pointed out to David and me Grandpa and Grandma Boscaljon's farm in the distance near Doon.

There was a tent set up as shelter against the cold by the graveside. Dad's grandsons carried the casket to the position over the vault in the grave. David again presented a few words and some scripture and then committed Dad's body to the earth.

We stood around the casket for quite some time - crying, hugging, sharing - in spite of the cold. Dad truly was deeply loved, admired and respectd.

After the graveside service, we drove back to Sioux Center to the Pizza Ranch there and had lunch. After that, everyone headed on home. David and I had to pick up our car at the dealership in Sioux Center because it had broken down when David arrived in Orange City on Sunday. It wasn't anything serious and we were able to head on home.

Tomorrow will mark one week since Dad died. It just seems like so long already. So much has happened that that week's time. We've had to work through so many emotions - grief, sadness, peace, joy, laughter and crying, hope and comfort. And I know there will be some more of that, maybe not as intensely as we felt it this first week, but I know they'll still be there.

My dad's faith in God never waivered all through his illness - at least we never saw any evidence of waivering. He trusted God in every aspect of his life. I'm sure there were times when he wished things were different, that he could have more quality time with his family, but he knew that God was ultimately in control of his life. He rested in God's hands.