Having It All

Have you ever wondered to yourself (or even spoken out loud), if I ONLY had this or that, I could be happy (content, satisfied, whatever)? To obtain the nicest, biggest, fanciest, tastiest, shiniest "thing" would just make it all worthwhile.

I once heard about a woman who had EVERYTHING she needed...literally. She had an incredible husband (very attentive, handsome and strong), she had all the food and possessions in the world she could want, and she didn't worry for a moment about having something appropriate to wear to the next special event. Why, she even thought she had a good relationship with God...one that would sustain her through the tough times (even though she really had not yet experienced "tough times").

But then one day someone pointed out something to her that she didn't have, and it planted the suggestion in her mind that her life was lacking because she didn't have this one thing. And it drove her nuts. She lost focus on all that was hers around her - the abundance of all that was hers. She lost focus on her relationship with God. Her only focus became this one thing she couldn't have. And she did what she needed to do to have this one thing. She obtained it, and it destroyed EVERYTHING! She lost all that she had that gave her security, peace and comfort.

Do you recognize who this woman was? You can read about her in the first few chapters of Genesis.

During my quiet time this morning, I read in Genesis 3 how the serpent came and tempted Eve and she ate of the fruit that God had forbidden her to eat. I began thinking about all that this woman had prior to eating the fruit. She had everything she needed - and wanted - in abundance. (Can you just imagine tasting the produce grown in that garden? How sweet and flavorful it must have been!) She was content until the serpent pointed out this one lone tree in the middle of the garden - the only tree in the entire garden that God had put a restriction on.

I wonder why it was so easy for Eve to have been distracted from all that she had to focus on the one thing she didn't have. Are we really all that different? How easily do we lose focus of what we have (what God has given us) and desire the things that we don't.

Adam and Eve had a unique relationship with God prior to the whole "fruit incident." God "walked" with them, they fellowshiped together in sweet communion. And all of that was lost (not only for them, but for the rest of humanity) because they lusted after something that was not for them to begin with.

I wonder where I am in my own walk with God. While I know that I am saved by God's grace and will one day live with him in heaven, I still struggle with overcoming my sin nature, and I will still do things that get in the way of obtaining that same sweet fellowship that Adam and Eve had with God. I know that it is so easy to be distracted by what the world says is necessary for happiness and contentment in life. So often my focus is lured away from God.

But my heart still hungers after him, and I find the more that I seek after him, the more he satisfies.

David and I are downsizing...we are getting rid of a lot of "stuff" - things that can tie us down, get in our way or distract us from our purpose. I used to desire "things" for my home - to decorate it accordng to the current trend, to have family heirlooms and trinkets sitting all around. While those things are nice, I don't desire them any longer.

My heart's desire is to be free to serve God with all that I am and all that he has given me. I feel God leading us to become more "mobile" - to be in a position of being able to quickly go where he wants us to go. I've had people ask if that means we are going to move into an RV and travel the country! LOL!! Actually, that sounds like fun - and, who knows, that might be exactly what God is leading us to.

So, as I process through letting go the things of this world - things that won't matter in eternity to come - I find my heart less distracted and becoming more focused on God's direction and desire for us. I know there will be times when I will get distracted again...it will happen far too often, I'm afraid. But because I can see the work God is already doing in my life now, I have confidence that he will continue that work until he calls me home!

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I started going through some of my older journals the other day, and I decided I'd start copying them into my blog here. So here is the first one...

This was written on May 5, 2004, during my "date with God" where I spent some time alone with him at Saylorville Lake:

Father, here I sit by Saylorville Lake wanting to meet iwth you and connect with you. I pray right now, dear God, that you would create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. I want my heart - the deepest recesses - to be opened before you so that I can come before you completely honest, completely humbled, completely vulnerable.

Father, I have sinned against you and I continue to be weak. I know what I am doing is sin. I know that it grieves your Spirit so when I blatantly ignore his promptings. My greatrest sin is seeking my own will over yours, placing my own selfish desires over your selfless ones for me.

How can I expect to be used of you for your perfect purpose when I am so far from where you would want me to be? Father God, I still believe it is my heart's desire to serve you with my entire being - with my body, mind and soul. God, you have given me so much, so much I have taken for granted. I am blessed, so blessed by you - you have given me everything I need. Forgive me, Lord, when I am ungrateful. Forgive me when I seek my own way. Fill me, Lord, with your Spirit so deeply that all I connect with is you.

Help me to identify and clear out all those things that would quench the Spirit from total effectiveness in my life. Help me to seek you first in all things - emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.

Psalm 92:4 says, "You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me. I sing for joy because of what you have done."

How great are you, Lord, that even in the midst of my sorrow over my sin, you reach down and touch me. You reach down and speak to my heart. You don't turn your back on me. You don't cast me away from you. Even when I stand before you with the shame of my guilt, you remind me of your love for me. You restore my soul to wholeness.

God, I am so unworthy of this precious gift, and yet I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. How I praise you, God, for loving me, for forgiving me and for restoring me to yourself. I am the softened clay in the Potter's hand to be remade again and again, lovingly gently, carefully. You are perfect, Lord, in your creation. The flaws that appear in me are of my own making, but you are gracious in restoring those flaws back to perfection through Jesus Christ. Thank you, Father.

Getting Started...

I tend to find that just getting started is the hardest part. Anticipation and planning can go like clockwork, but it's taking that first step to actually start is the hardest. And I've found in my own life that usually that first step - the one that causes all the anxiety and trepidation - really does not live up to the expecation created by my own thoughts and imaginings.

So, here I am, starting my very own first blog. Hey, Gayle, welcome to the 21st century! Haha. So far, so good - probably because no one but me knows this is here. But I think the point of writing a blog is so that others can read it, get to know me, get to know my heart, and maybe, just maybe, be pointed towards a loving God and precious Savior as a result of what I share.

I've journaled for several years. I started shortly after I moved to Iowa, following my separation from my ex-husband. It was very helpful to me to be able to write down my thoughts, my prayers, my hopes and my fears. As I read back over some of those journal entries, I am amazed by the path that God led me on. So much of what I was going through back then makes more sense to me now. My hope is that someday, I'll be able to edit all of those entries into a book that will help other women go through the process of healing from brokenness to being "remade by the Potter's hand."

It was the passage in Jeremiah about the Potter and the clay that brought about my greatest healing. It was the image of being recreated - the past no longer being held against me - that really showed me what God's grace is all about. I am a new creation, once again made in the image of God. I have worth, I have value, and I have a purpose in God's kingdom. And my worth, value and purpose all point towards Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord. As I strive to live my life in a way that brings Him honor and glory, I can only pray that He will use me to point others towards Him.

This morning, this song by Kathy Troccoli is going through my mind...

Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can't see
That whatever comes my way
You'll be with me

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way, yes
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you'll meet my every need

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I'm never without love
Not when my future is with you
My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

When I'm at my weakest love
You carry me
Then I become my strongest love
In your handsMy life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
I trust you LordMy life is in your hands

David and I are expecting the unexpected to happen over the next several weeks and months. We are seeing God moving us to a new level...and we're not exactly sure where He is leading us yet. But we are excited to know that it is God who it leading. So we continue to pray for direction, peace and assurance as we take each step forward in faith. As it has been so interesting to go back and reread my journal entries from years ago, I look forward to going back and rereading my blog entries as time goes by to see where God has taken me.

Above all else, to His name be all the glory, now and forever more!